Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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