The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
