I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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