I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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