): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
