Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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