so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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