Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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