he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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