i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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