No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
