Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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