Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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