her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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