Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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