i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
