New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
