he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
