I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
