not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
