i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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