from now on my penis is your penis
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
