you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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