i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
