oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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