If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
