his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
