I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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