Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
