Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
