So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he just fucked me for my cheese..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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