this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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