hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
