Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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