A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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