I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
