He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
