Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
