i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
