Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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