Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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