smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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