Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
