i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
