You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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