Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
