He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
