OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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