Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
