I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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