when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
oh god the rape fog is back!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
