He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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