Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it hurts more in the daytime
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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