i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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