I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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