yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
