yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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