You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
