So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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