I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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