a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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