your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
