You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
