He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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