She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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