how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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