I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
