it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
