so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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