did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
