I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
