He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
