Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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