So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
whose ass print is on the piano?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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