oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
