Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
