before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We have started to decorate penises.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
