We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
