My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
