I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
