Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
