My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
